Preparations are Key

Shopping — By Shopping Blogs on February 19, 2010 12:58 pm

Have you ever been to the mall without making thorough preparations beforehand?  Have you ever come out of the mall empty handed, upset because you allowed yourself to become lost in that sea of shoppers?  Have you lost a purse, a wallet, a cell phone, or a loved one in your local mall?  If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then it is about time that you wise up!  Clearly, you have not done your studies!

While you may not think so at first, the mall is a terrifying, ever-changing place—a place that demands your utmost attention; your utmost speed.  The mall is a place that you cannot conquer without adequate training!  The mall, I dare say, is one of the most vicious places that you’re likely to find yourself!  So why not put a little bit of thought into defending yourself?  Why not do a little bit of extra homework and protect yourself from this, the sea of wanton bargain-hunting and vicious opportunism?

But enough of that.  Surely, I’ve scared you into realizing that you’re not ready to face your local mall.  At this point, you surely see the mall will consume your soul if you dare challenge it without doing an appropriate amount of training.  Let us embark upon the path of identifying your main threats, reader.  Let us prepare you for the obstacles that you’re bound to face, such that you stand a fair chance at overcoming them.

Our first threat, reader, may not seem like a threat at all.  You’re likely to pass them by without giving them a second thought, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t rip your heart out and toss it into the mall fountain.  Who, you must be wondering, am I talking about?  Girls , reader; I’m talking about little, innocent children.  Sure, they look innocent enough; sure, you can’t imagine them attacking you—but take it from me, reader, that innocence is just a lie spread by the government to pacify you.  Turn your back on them for a moment—just a moment—and the next thing you know, your shopping trip has come to a bloody end.

Of course, we can’t forget about infants and toddlers ; we must not forget about them.  Strapped into their strollers, they look harmless enough.  But do not be fooled!  Recent studies show that even the smallest of children can lift up to one hundred times their own weight!  They could tear those plastic seats apart without breaking a sweat, and before you know it, they’ll be upon you.  Of course, they’re also well known for their blood curdling, glass shattering, pupil dilating screams, which have been recorded to move at nearly ten times the speed of sound!  Watch out for these terrible screams, reader; they might very well bring and end to your poor little ears!

Last but not least, reader, beware the men and women you encounter at the mall.  The aforementioned beasts—their blood curdling screams; their proclivities for ripping out your very heart—are truly novices in the eyes of their adult counterparts.  While the adults will not appear as brash as their younger allies—while they may not attack you physically—they may end up with your finances under their control.  Unless you maneuver carefully, you may end up succumbing to their many “deals”, “bargains”, “sales”, and “credit card offers”.  But now that you have read this article, dear reader, you can peg these offers for what they really are: a world—an eternity—of soul destruction and pain.  If you value your soul or your integrity, reader, then you’d best avoid these tricky adults at all costs.

Brought to you by :

Discount Joe and Full Price

Popularity: 1%

Tags: Online Stories