Funny Jobs

Shopping — By Shopping Blogs on February 22, 2010 11:45 am

Sales jobs are, much of the time, funny jobs.  There’s just something about sales that brings the worst out of people—salespeople and customers alike.  Salespeople don’t appreciate the crass indifference of their customers; they’re entitled, whiny people, and they don’t take kindly to the almost invariable disapproval of their customers.  Customers, on the other hand, are, nine times out of ten, revolted by the false optimism and pushiness of their salespeople.  Salespeople, to customers, are a predatory lot—a cancerous blight upon their wallets; the death of a pleasant disposition; the instigators of stress and impulse spending; the snake-tongued speakers of half-truths.  Theirs is a constant, fruitless battle—salespeople and customers.  And yet, their cohabitation continues.

Michael is a salesperson.  He sells homes.

Michelle is a customer—a prospect.  She wants to buy a home.

While these two people have just met, they can already sense that they’ll never like each other.  Michelle can smell the starch that Michael used to press his shirt, which leads her to believe that his stiff-looking smile is every bit as contrived as it looks.  Michael has already pegged Michelle for a window shopper, and he’s not planning on giving this presentation his proverbial “all”.  They begin to speak.  They’re standing in front of the house that Michael is showing.  Michelle is his only prospect today.

“Well, that’s a lovely garden ,” comments Michael, turning to face Michelle.  She’s not smiling.

“Are you complimenting your own home?  Aren’t I supposed to be the one saying things like that?”

Michael clear his throat.  “I suppose that you’re right.  Would you care to step inside?”

“Of course,” Michelle replies, stepping ahead of Michael and into the foyer.  She glances around the house, taking it in.  The home furnishings are beautiful—rentals, no doubt, but beautiful.  The kitchen is large and modern looking.  She can see two stainless steel stoves, side by side, from where she’s standing.  They catch the afternoon sun like shields of armor.  She likes what she sees, but she knows that she can’t give Michael the upper hand.

“Those stoves are blinding.  Did you have to install them there?  They’re catching the afternoon sun.  It’s really, really annoying.”

Michael curls his hand into a fist inside of his coat pocket.  “Well, nothing’s set in stone.  We could have the room remodeled before you…”

“Just forget it,” Michele chides, proud of herself for upsetting the flow of his presentation.  She begins to walk down the home’s long hallway.  She stops to open a closet door.  Its contents, she discovers, will make for another fantastic sparring session with Michael.

“Now, what in the world is this?” she challenges, waving him towards the closet.

Michael inspects its contents: pet supplies – used dog toys, old food, a comb matted with hair, and the like.  He curses himself for neglecting to clean this closet before he showed the home.

“I can get rid of that stuff.  The previous owners were dog lovers.”

“Well, I imagine that did some pretty substantial damage to these hardwood floors.  I’ll be taking a look around to make sure that you did a good job getting rid of all of the scuff marks.  Just give me a few minutes, here.”

As Michele walks away, Michael breathes a sigh of relief.  He spent thousands on the building supplies –avoided all of the cheap stuff.  Surely, there’s no way that Michele will…

“Well, I found a scuff mark.  You’ll need to get that fixed up…”

Once again, Michael curses himself.  This time, the salesperson has lost.  He has let his people down, and he won’t soon forgive himself for it.

The war continues to rage between salespeople and customers.  Truly, no man can predict when it will end.

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