» Fictional Stories

Are you looking around for the perfect vacation package for you and your family?  Have you become frustrated with the generic vacation packages that you’ve found so far?  Are you worried that your entire family might leave you if you mess up their vacation plans one more time?  Well, if you’ve answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then you can rest assured that you have finally arrived at the right place: the Tiger Powered Cruise Boat of Love!  That’s right: our cruise boat is going to fix all of your vacation problems and save your family!

You’ve never come across a cruise ship that’s quite like ours—we guarantee it!  The Tiger Powered Cruise Boat of Love is no misnomer!  First of all, our cruise boat is powered by actual, endangered tigers!  That’s right!  As we float around the ocean, you can lounge about on the deck knowing that one of Earth’s most rare and illustrious creatures is being worked to the point of death just a few floors below your feet!  If that doesn’t make you feel a little bit exotic, we don’t know what will!

Are you scared that the tigers might get out of their cages?  Does it worry you to bring your entire family onto a tiger infested boat?  Well, it shouldn’t!  We’ve taken extra precautions to make sure that your family is not going to be at risk!  The tigers are given heavy doses of sedatives and hypnosis, so they’re not going to be able to break out of their cages without a miracle!  And even if they do, the floors outside of their cages are electrified.  You and your family can rest assured that even infants and toddlers are going to be safe!  If those tigers somehow manage to break free, you’ll be eating tiger for dinner that very night!

Men , are you worried that your relationships are on the rocks because you’ve failed to demonstrate your masculinity over the years?  Do you think a triumphant display of hyper-masculinity can turn your relationship around?  Then boy, do we have the thing for you!  Our tiger-powered cruise ship comes equipped with a full-size Roman gladiator arena!  That’s right: you can fight other men to the death to prove to your women that you know what they want!  Just sign our death waiver when you board the ship and prepare yourself for the relationship that you’ve always wanted!

Girls , are you looking to avoid the intrusive, pimple-faced gazes of those terrible boys at school?  Well, our tiger-powered cruise ship can give you the privacy and freedom that you’ve always wanted.  There’s an all-girls section of the boat that you can use to shut the blinds on that terrible male gaze!

We can’t stress it enough, folks: our tiger-powered cruise ship is all about safely.  Our life boats are perfect for your strollers, so you’ll never have to worry about what you’re going to do with the kids when our invariably unstable captain steers our ship into dangerous, uncharted waters!

But don’t just take our word for it!  Listen to one of our happy customers!

“The Tiger Powered Cruise Boat of Love really turned my life around.  Before my wife and I went on this fantastic trip, I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it through the year.  I knew I had to do something drastic, so I signed myself up for the gladiator arena.  My wife thought it was really romantic.  I look forward to a happier relationship when I’m released from intensive care.”

Don’t let your live take yet another terrible turn!  Come on our cruise and look forward to a brighter tomorrow!

Brought to you by :

Discount Joe and Full Price

Popularity: 4%

Do you work at an electronics outlet?  If so, are you sick and tired of dealing with all of those pesky, uneducated customers?  Are you tired of responding to “urgent” house calls only to find out that you have to reprogram yet another VCR clock?  Well, wake up!  It’s time for you to make a life-altering change with our new, wonderful product: the Electronics Outlet Automatic Helper Robot.  Our Helper Robot is going to be able to make your aches and pains a thing of the past!

Don’t believe me?  Well, hear me out!

First of all, our Automatic Helper Robot looks just like a real person!  Well, let’s say that is looks enough like a real person to fool those pesky senior citizens who keep asking you about your printers / scanner combos!  Simply place your Automatic Helper Robot in the isle of your choosing and wait for it to kick into gear!  It’ll automatically flag people over and make sure that you don’t have to lift a finger!

Having trouble explaining the concept of flash memory to your elderly customers?  No problem!  Our Automatic Helper Robot can be customized to meet your needs—and your attitude.  If you want to teach your customers a little lesson, simply flip a switch and set your Robot to “aggressive” mode.  Before you know it, your robot will be insulting your elderly customers right out through the front door.  When they ask about your memory, your Automatic Helper Robot will ask about theirs, and that’s guaranteed to offend!

Are those pesky senior citizens clogging up your monitors isle?  Is their constant squinting and yammering beginning to grate against your very soul?  No problem!  Simply flip a switch and set your Automatic Helper Robot to “clearance” mode.  It’ll make its way over to the isle of your choosing and begin raising your prices at an astonishing rate.  If that doesn’t clear out those pesky senior citizens, your Helper Robot will begin to remind them of how much they used to pay for a loaf of bread “back in the good old days”.  Soon, they’ll be too angry to stay in your store, and your section will be cleared!

Are PC laptops and PDAs the bane of your very existence?  Are you sick and tired of explaining that their size does not connote their power?  Does it drive you to the point of insanity when your senior citizen customers mistake the fish tank screensaver for an actual fish tank?  Well, your problems are as old as they are!  With our Helper Robot, you can make sure that senior citizens don’t congest your isles!  If your fish screen saver is mistaken for an actual fish tank, your Helper Robot will falsely explain that it is an actual fish tank, and that if they aren’t looking to buy a fish tank, they’ve come to the wrong store!  Never before have you seen customers leave with such blinding speed!

Just ask one of our many happy customers!

“Yeah, I never really liked dealing with customers.  I mean, I know it’s my job to help people find the products and services that they’re looking for, but I’m fairly certain that it’s not in my job description.  And I mean, I’m not just some guy that they hired off the street!  I mean, I have actual qualifications!  I went to the community college; I dropped out, but I went!  Anyway, my Helper Robot solved all of my problems.  I guess that’s why they fired me and kept him on board…”

Don’t let another minute go by!  Call now and buy your Helper Robot today!

Brought to you by :

Shopping Stories : http://blog.royaltyuniverse.com/category/fictional-stories/shopping-fictional-stories/

Popularity: 4%

Sales jobs are, much of the time, funny jobs.  There’s just something about sales that brings the worst out of people—salespeople and customers alike.  Salespeople don’t appreciate the crass indifference of their customers; they’re entitled, whiny people, and they don’t take kindly to the almost invariable disapproval of their customers.  Customers, on the other hand, are, nine times out of ten, revolted by the false optimism and pushiness of their salespeople.  Salespeople, to customers, are a predatory lot—a cancerous blight upon their wallets; the death of a pleasant disposition; the instigators of stress and impulse spending; the snake-tongued speakers of half-truths.  Theirs is a constant, fruitless battle—salespeople and customers.  And yet, their cohabitation continues.

Michael is a salesperson.  He sells homes.

Michelle is a customer—a prospect.  She wants to buy a home.

While these two people have just met, they can already sense that they’ll never like each other.  Michelle can smell the starch that Michael used to press his shirt, which leads her to believe that his stiff-looking smile is every bit as contrived as it looks.  Michael has already pegged Michelle for a window shopper, and he’s not planning on giving this presentation his proverbial “all”.  They begin to speak.  They’re standing in front of the house that Michael is showing.  Michelle is his only prospect today.

“Well, that’s a lovely garden ,” comments Michael, turning to face Michelle.  She’s not smiling.

“Are you complimenting your own home?  Aren’t I supposed to be the one saying things like that?”

Michael clear his throat.  “I suppose that you’re right.  Would you care to step inside?”

“Of course,” Michelle replies, stepping ahead of Michael and into the foyer.  She glances around the house, taking it in.  The home furnishings are beautiful—rentals, no doubt, but beautiful.  The kitchen is large and modern looking.  She can see two stainless steel stoves, side by side, from where she’s standing.  They catch the afternoon sun like shields of armor.  She likes what she sees, but she knows that she can’t give Michael the upper hand.

“Those stoves are blinding.  Did you have to install them there?  They’re catching the afternoon sun.  It’s really, really annoying.”

Michael curls his hand into a fist inside of his coat pocket.  “Well, nothing’s set in stone.  We could have the room remodeled before you…”

“Just forget it,” Michele chides, proud of herself for upsetting the flow of his presentation.  She begins to walk down the home’s long hallway.  She stops to open a closet door.  Its contents, she discovers, will make for another fantastic sparring session with Michael.

“Now, what in the world is this?” she challenges, waving him towards the closet.

Michael inspects its contents: pet supplies – used dog toys, old food, a comb matted with hair, and the like.  He curses himself for neglecting to clean this closet before he showed the home.

“I can get rid of that stuff.  The previous owners were dog lovers.”

“Well, I imagine that did some pretty substantial damage to these hardwood floors.  I’ll be taking a look around to make sure that you did a good job getting rid of all of the scuff marks.  Just give me a few minutes, here.”

As Michele walks away, Michael breathes a sigh of relief.  He spent thousands on the building supplies –avoided all of the cheap stuff.  Surely, there’s no way that Michele will…

“Well, I found a scuff mark.  You’ll need to get that fixed up…”

Once again, Michael curses himself.  This time, the salesperson has lost.  He has let his people down, and he won’t soon forgive himself for it.

The war continues to rage between salespeople and customers.  Truly, no man can predict when it will end.

Brought to you by :

Fiction : http://blog.royaltyuniverse.com/category/fictional-stories/

Popularity: 4%

Have you ever been to the mall without making thorough preparations beforehand?  Have you ever come out of the mall empty handed, upset because you allowed yourself to become lost in that sea of shoppers?  Have you lost a purse, a wallet, a cell phone, or a loved one in your local mall?  If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then it is about time that you wise up!  Clearly, you have not done your studies!

While you may not think so at first, the mall is a terrifying, ever-changing place—a place that demands your utmost attention; your utmost speed.  The mall is a place that you cannot conquer without adequate training!  The mall, I dare say, is one of the most vicious places that you’re likely to find yourself!  So why not put a little bit of thought into defending yourself?  Why not do a little bit of extra homework and protect yourself from this, the sea of wanton bargain-hunting and vicious opportunism?

But enough of that.  Surely, I’ve scared you into realizing that you’re not ready to face your local mall.  At this point, you surely see the mall will consume your soul if you dare challenge it without doing an appropriate amount of training.  Let us embark upon the path of identifying your main threats, reader.  Let us prepare you for the obstacles that you’re bound to face, such that you stand a fair chance at overcoming them.

Our first threat, reader, may not seem like a threat at all.  You’re likely to pass them by without giving them a second thought, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t rip your heart out and toss it into the mall fountain.  Who, you must be wondering, am I talking about?  Girls , reader; I’m talking about little, innocent children.  Sure, they look innocent enough; sure, you can’t imagine them attacking you—but take it from me, reader, that innocence is just a lie spread by the government to pacify you.  Turn your back on them for a moment—just a moment—and the next thing you know, your shopping trip has come to a bloody end.

Of course, we can’t forget about infants and toddlers ; we must not forget about them.  Strapped into their strollers, they look harmless enough.  But do not be fooled!  Recent studies show that even the smallest of children can lift up to one hundred times their own weight!  They could tear those plastic seats apart without breaking a sweat, and before you know it, they’ll be upon you.  Of course, they’re also well known for their blood curdling, glass shattering, pupil dilating screams, which have been recorded to move at nearly ten times the speed of sound!  Watch out for these terrible screams, reader; they might very well bring and end to your poor little ears!

Last but not least, reader, beware the men and women you encounter at the mall.  The aforementioned beasts—their blood curdling screams; their proclivities for ripping out your very heart—are truly novices in the eyes of their adult counterparts.  While the adults will not appear as brash as their younger allies—while they may not attack you physically—they may end up with your finances under their control.  Unless you maneuver carefully, you may end up succumbing to their many “deals”, “bargains”, “sales”, and “credit card offers”.  But now that you have read this article, dear reader, you can peg these offers for what they really are: a world—an eternity—of soul destruction and pain.  If you value your soul or your integrity, reader, then you’d best avoid these tricky adults at all costs.

Brought to you by :

Discount Joe and Full Price

Popularity: 2%

Rachel’s life was, to say the very least, at the mercy of her shopping addiction .  Truly, you could never run into Rachel without getting sucked into the world of shopping.  On Mondays, she spent the majority of her time shoe shopping.  Though she owned several thousand pairs of shoes, she never had any trouble when it came to finding yet another pair.  On Wednesdays, she spent her entire afternoon electronics shopping, buying TVs and computers and sound systems that littered her home tires on the side of the highway.  And on Fridays, Rachel spent all day comparison shopping –not because she needed to make a better purchase, but because she enjoyed laughing at other people when she knew, firsthand, that they were paying too much for what they were buying.  Many, many people tried to approach Rachel about her shopping addiction, but she always cut them out of the loop the very moment that they brought it up.  She was, in a sense, living in her own little world, far, far away from the rest of us.  That is, until the day that she discovered a new mall–a mall that you wouldn’t be able to find on a map or on the internet; a mysterious, ghost mall on the very edge of town.

She happened upon this derelict mall when she got lost looking for a new shoe shopping outlet.  She’d followed the directions carefully, but in the midst of responding to a shopping related text message, she missed her exit on the highway and continued down the road for several miles. 

Realizing her mistake, she took the next available exit and tried to find her way back to where the shoe shopping outlet was.  Oddly, though, she couldn’t find the on-ramp for the highway going in the opposite direction.  It simply didn’t exist.  While her shopping addiction led her to ponder whether or not she should simply drive down the wrong side of the highway (she wanted a deal on shoes that badly), she eventually decided that she’d try to make her way back to the outlet on side roads.  This, she thought, would not present any significant problems.

Oh, how wrong poor Rachel was.  The further Rachel drove down the twisting, ominous side road, the more unfamiliar her surroundings became.  Dead trees and blown tires lined the road, and twice, she could have sworn that she saw a large, mysterious figure racing alongside her car.  While most of us would have turned away and fled the scene, Rachel pressed forward, determined to land herself an amazing deal on a pair of shoes that she really, truly didn’t need.

After fifteen minutes of driving, she wound up in the parking lot of a large, abandoned mall.  Strangely, the mall hadn’t deteriorated at all–at least, not from what she could tell standing in the parking lot. It’s walls were lined with the names of stores that she loved, and she swore that she could smell a bit of cinnamon in the air.  Surely, she thought, she had simply struck gold–simply showed up at a mall before anyone else had. 

She imagined all of the deals that lay before her: discounted shoes, electronics, food, and clothing.  The temptation to explore this mall overtook her, and she charged in through the front door.

And that, dear reader, is the last that anyone ever saw of poor Rachel.  No one has ever been able to find the mall where she disappeared; legend has it that it doesn’t actually exist.  People say that Rachel must have been swept up by the very Spirit of Shopping, a god-like creature that regulates the deals that so permeate our malls and our shoe outlets.  But then again, other people say that the whole thing is made up, and that she’s probably trapped under a mountain of shoes in her massive walk-in closet.

I suppose that we’ll never know.

Brought to you by :

Fictional Stories : http://blog.royaltyuniverse.com/category/fictional-stories/

Popularity: 2%